Five Go Everywhere...
Four Get Lost in Zomba
A weekend
visit to Zomba Plateau goes wrong More...
Five Go For a Drive
A drive
in the country goes wrong More...
Three On The Way To Monkey Bay
Yet another
journey goes wrong More...
One Goes Swimming
A lakeside
swim -last one!- goes wrong More...
Two Alone at Last!
Everyone
leaves - nothing else can go wrong! More...
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Nov. 1995
This was our first Malawi holiday.
It was three weeks of hotel high-life, of mini-bus mayhem,
of lounging by the lake, and - with one LAST alliteration
- of Game-park gazelles. In the words of Enid Blyton: "5
Go Everywhere!"
(Want to read the introduction to the
characters and plot?)
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Four Get Lost in Zomba
THE Zomba Plateau is
a beautiful collection of rolling hills, quiet streams, and magnificent
tree-scapes. It is restful. All who are able to visit us, will be
taken there.
On this trip, the cunning
plan was to secretly infiltrate the Ku Chawe Inn (or at least get
a big discount). Spacious rooms, big breakfasts and a perfect location
awaited.
Delightful walks awaited
us too. So the first morning, we filled up with fluids and packed
the picnic - the four were off; in search of loot! Andy lead. We
wandered one way and meandered another, all revealing yet more Zomba
glory, and all as per the plan.
That is, until we started
to head back: "Straight down!" said Andy, pointing to
a well-marked forest path. My inclination said "no!",
but the crow overhead squawked "yaaaws!". We all followed
Andy down the path, with a happy skip.
The path continued, deeper
and deeper into the forest. It grew less marked. None faltered.
The path thinned. None faltered. The path stopped. We faltered -
for a few anxious moments.
We continued. The undergrowth
thickened. We continued. The undergrowth became jungle. We continued
slowly, one scratched leg timid behind the other. The jungle stopped.
Erm! We stopped too.
We had to stop. With
an imminent precipice, all but hidden by the tundra - we had to
stop.
Now common sense would
tell you to 'go back, retrace your steps until you reach the path,
then Keep To The Path!'. But stubbornness, indecisiveness, pride,
and anger - they too had answers.
At first we tried to
force our way through the dense tangle. It was dense, dense, dense.
When that failed, we retraced our steps (with reluctant purpose).
We made it back in time, but only just!
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Five Go For a Drive
Rachel had returned,
and was ready for her own adventure. We would drive the hired Toyota
to Liwonde National Park, gawp awe struck at the game; then, a few
days later, proceed onwards to Dedza - land of cheesecake. After
Dedza, an advance party would head to Monkey Bay, whilst the others
returned the Toyota (in Blantyre). Confused? You should be.
So, all goes well. We
see elephants grazing, we see monkeys scurrying, we even see gazelle
(I think they're gazelle!). We head off for Dedza - and cheesecake,
and pottery.
We head off for Dedza
late. The motorway was so long, and so straight. It was hot. "How
far had we got?" Our cheesecake stop at Dedza was looking more
like a hurried B&B. So - as befits the best-laid plans - a change:
skip Dedza, and go direct to Monkey Bay.
It was agreed. Not half
an hour from Dedza, mid-afternoon, we left the M1 (yep! the M1)
and took a right down the M10. No problems.
No problems! Only that
the M10 had become a winding road-to-nowhere. Only that the so-called
motorway was more a glorified let's-just-double-check-it-AGAIN dirt
road. Only that it hugged the contours of the valley-side, providing
hairpin bends, bumps galore, and s l o w progress. Only that the
map had fooled us again!
Disoriented, we drove
through villages, we searched for landmarks, we hunted for the main
road. And when we found it, we still had miles to go. And when we
arrived at Monkey Bay there was no place to stay (nowhere we wanted
to stay, anyway). And when we drove on to Cape Maclear, it was along
another winding (dark) road.
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Three On The Way To Monkey Bay
WE STAYED at the recommended
Stephens rest house. (I would recommend it only for those who like
to combine sleep, with a night-time sauna. Hot and wet, is an understatement!)
We woke as unhappy campers.
And we still had a days driving to Blantyre. "Yes I DO still
want coffee - I ordered it half an hour ago!!!"
Now, On The Way To Monkey
Bay was the first television program we watched about Malawi. It
tells of an old woman's return to Malawi, some fifty years after
she left. Aboard the Mtendere, she journeys down the lake, and we
see inspirational images of lake-side beauty. (Hence the Ilala trip.)
But as we returned to
Monkey Bay the following day, our own television program started
to form. We were 'On The Way To Monkey Bay': by taxi and minibus
to Zomba; by Express bus to Mangochi [Express - more like Stop-A-Lot!];
and by Express to Monkey Bay.
It wasn't that bad, if
you excused the cramp and awkward seating; if you forgot about the
fretful waiting for the next bus. It was adventure; a 9-hours-to-get-250-kilometers
type of adventure.
(We did get to relive
the more appealing television version, some days later.)
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One Goes Swimming
ANDY had listened to
gossip, he had read the newspaper, he had perused the in-flight
magazine - all had one message: Don't Swim In The Lake! Quite categorically,
he wasn't gonna swim in that lake, no way (neither was Chi). Each
opportunity tempted, to no avail. Just Say No To Swimming!
So. Why was Andy now
swimming one-armed in the lake, fully-dressed, with four foot waves
trying to drown him, AND with his other arm desperately clutching
his camera?
Yes, the Ilala had stopped
at Mang'wina, to pick up passengers. And yes, we had been ship-bound
for over 3 days - we needed exercise. And yes we were allowed to
go ashore, to explore the lake-side stops.
That explains it then.
Andy had got bored with the no-swim regime, and decided to take
the plunge in the roughest stretch of lake for miles. To make it
tougher, he would only use one arm (the other would hold an expensive
camera), and he would swim fully-clothed. No! You don't think so!
Then you'll have to ask him yourself. Go on, he tells a good tale,
and I have run out of space to even begin to explain...
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Two Alone At Last
SUNDAY at last - the day
of departure. Keeping good-byes brief - they packed, they joked, they
thanked us; the taxi came, and they went. Simple as that! AND WE SIGHED...!!!...
The spooky thing is, we've got to do it all over again next month
when our families arrive. Eight of 'em. Get ready for Hurricane Hoggar!
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